The Vipassana Experience
Diary Entry: 26.12.04
I need to escape from this torture. I’ve totally lost control. I’m always in a bad mood, angry at everything. How can I be angry with a God that I am beginning to conclude does not exist? I feel pain and disappointment with this God I have chosen to follow. He’s turned out to be a hoax, a fake, a time waster, a fraud who takes me through cyclical moments of inspiration, devastation, depression and suicide. I have no hope for the future. I have no pride in the past. I am a living tragedy. There is nothing in my life worth living for. I possess nothing and have no one to talk to. My mind plays havoc with my soul. I have completely lost the ability to express my deepest darkest thoughts through writing. I want to interact with people on an emotional, spiritual and physical level. I want to be part of something wholesome and fulfilling. I want to touch life.
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